Tag Archives: emotions

Motivation 0% go!

Forewarning that this post is mostly going to be me rambling in an attempt to sort out my own thoughts. If you want the long and short of things, Neko Arrange is either on hiatus until I finish the 100th Flash Koma or it isn’t and I honestly won’t know until I get there.

That being said, rambling begins now. It’s been almost a full month since I last posted anything. It’s been almost two since I last posted a Touhou-a-day drawing and those I started doing in an attempt to get things posted here. It’s been SEVEN months since I last posted a Flash Koma. I haven’t been posting regularly since September of last year. I’ve been putting off things as simple as posting things I’ve already drawn or written and I don’t even know how long it’s been since I last opened flash, much less with the intent to post whatever I worked on in it. As much as I’d love to say it’s because I’ve been busy, it’s time I stopped using that excuse. The only reason for it has been my own laziness. I’ve become accustomed to goofing off in my free time and working on personal projects during classes. When I have no classes my output drops down to nothing and that needs to change.

Not that it’s the only problem I’m facing with this website, just the biggest. There’s also the matter of taking Neko Arrange in a somewhat confusing direction recently. I always intended this site to be a collection of my work as well as general Touhou fandom, but recently I’ve been posting a lot of newer content while ignoring the other things I originally started this website for. Namely, Flash Koma which is a topic in and of itself. I think it’s Western Roses that has me the most confused. It just seems a lot different from the sort of projects and atmosphere I wanted to present with Neko Arrange. I won’t scrap it, I’ve put too much effort into it, but I’m not sure what to do with it. I’m still undecided as to whether I’m going to move it to a different site or not, but it at the very least likely won’t have it’s own heading in the future. A lot of things need to be re-organized here, actually. I’ll do my best to work on that in the near future, even if it’s only myself I’m making feel better by doing so.

And then, like I said, there’s Flash Koma. There’s already been a lot of personal drama over that and there’s no real reason to post it all again, but I will say that I realize the quality of it has been poor to say the least, particularly recently. This is mostly due to poor planning on my part. My usual approach to writing is to take an idea and then start writing with no preparation beforehand. Not that this is a bad way of doing things, but at least the way I do it it rarely ends with a final-draft worthy result. It’s good for testing the waters, but not for a finalized version. This is also something I’m working on, trying to plan things out before I start drawing and writing. There’s also a matter of the style of drawing which bugs me for a number of reasons. I’m testing out new things and hopefully by the time I start posting Flash Koma regularly again I’ll have it worked out.

There’s also the matter of the 100th Flash Koma which has been one of the biggest reasons for my lack of output. I’m sort of intimidated by the idea, I suppose, and that’s not a good thing. I should have a much more care-free approach to the series. But this hurdle is something I have to overcome before I can do the ‘normal’ series again and sometimes I’ve thought about just making the 100th one something not particularly special so that I can go back to making simple ones again. Every time I started with an idea I ended up scratching it for many of the reasons I mentioned above about how I write. As I mentioned, the way I do Flash Koma needs a lot of work, but the 100th flash is a perfect time for these changes to take place so maybe it’s simply a matter of taking a different approach. I have a couple of ideas of what to do with it now, though they may not come to fruition until I have access to a scanner (which likely won’t be until I’m home). Hopefully this will turn out well.

Originally I was going to say that Neko Arrange was on hiatus until the 100th Flash Koma was finished, but I’m not so certain anymore. After all, Neko Arrange is supposed to be about cute, there’s no reason why it has to be completely about things I’ve done and I have some ideas for things to post, most of which are Touhou-related anyway so I’m really not changing the direction of this site at all. However, what exactly happens with this is still a bit up in the air. Though I suppose I’ll find out soon enough how much longer this half-year hiatus will last.

I realize it’s probably stupid of me, but I’m posting this here mostly because I’m overly emotional, but also as an incentive to myself to actually get things done. Whether or not anyone reads this, it’s out there now and I’m going to hold myself accountable for it. After all, I’ve admitted I have a problem and it’s always the first step that’s the hardest, isn’t it?

Stress and Neko Arrange’s Anniversary

The semester has been over for a week for me now, but I wasn’t really able to summon the force of will to post until now. College has been really stressful for me this past semester, and that stress has carried over to the break. I’m didn’t do particularly well in one of my required classes, and due to issues with the system I can’t register for classes until almost the beginning of the semester. There have been a lot of other problems as well, but this isn’t the place for me to rant about that. As a result, though, I’ve just been feeling horribly unmotivated and couldn’t find it in me to make even a token post. That is, until I realized I had missed Neko Arrange’s 1-year anniversary (only by a few hours, but the point still stands). I had really thought it fell after Christmas, but looks like I was wrong. I had also planned to make the 100th flash coincide with yesterday since there has been so much hiatus here recently, but it’s too late for that now as well. For tonight, all I can offer is a little bit of writing in celebration of this website, small as it is.

Continue reading Stress and Neko Arrange’s Anniversary


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